Love, Who would have thought!!

It is so funny!! Dale and I were married for not quite 11 years in April of 1998 when I gave my life to Christ. One of the things I am in awe about is the way God has given me, over the years, more love for my honey.

I never thought I could love him more than I did!! I also did not understand what commitment was before 1998 either, not the way I know it now anyway! I knew I wanted to stay with Dale forever, but I also had so much conflict with in myself that I wanted to also give up!! I really did!! In the beginning I loved Dale more, that, I have no doubt!! I struggled with that very much, it was painful!
He loves me as much now, I am very grateful for that!!

The journey starts for Dale and I in 1998, that is when things started to change for us. God started to show me a different way at looking at my husband and marriage. At first when I gave my life to Christ, I would read God's word then, all of the sudden, I needed to do it (what ever jumped out of the page at me at that time) It drove Dale nuts, I am sure!! I kept saying, well God wants us to do this or that. I know he wondered if I lost my mind!!! I was pushing Dale away from God and me!! I did not mean to!! I just wanted to follow Christ!! I loved Christ so much!! I realized personally, what He did for me. And I was loyal to Him and Him alone!!

Anyway, in June of that year, at church we were doing a bible study called "The Excellent Wife" through that study, God showed me I was being overbearing and pushy!! I honestly did not mean to! God started to show me that I needed to lay off and trust Him!! God started to help me realize what commitment was. Almost like unconditional love, but I did know what that meant or looked like) He started showing me tenderness for Dale. I got a book called "Power of a Praying Wife" because I wanted so much for Dale to follow Christ as well! I was so frustrated because I knew what I was going through was so real!! I never in my life ever felt as cherished as I had since I started to follow Christ!! I wanted him to know what I knew to real and true!! In the book, she was saying that I needed to not only pray for my husband, but I needed to pray for myself as well, to be an excellent wife. For me to ask God to guide me and to help me be respectful, to put on tender mercies for Dale. (at that point, I didn't know what that looked like!! I wanted so much to follow Christ in that, but I did not know how. I asked Him to be my love for Dale, especially when it was difficult (and still do ask when it gets difficult). I had to keep going back to the Lord many times. That was honestly the beginning! It was very difficult to be respectful toward Dale when I did not think he "deserved it". Part of Christ's teachings are to go the extra mile, give the other cheek to someone if they slap you. I could not do that!! Christ had to do it through me!! I knew, I could not be that way, not in and of myself anyway. But I read Acts 9, about Paul being a persecuter of Christians and how he was going out to bring other Christians down, when on the way to Damascus, Jesus stopped Him and reveiled himself to Paul (his name was Saul at that point, Paul was his name after he gave his life to Christ) Jesus changed Paul's heart, Paul realized personally what Christ did for him and he started to follow Christ. I thought well, if God can change someone like Saul, he can change anyone, including me!! I have alot of respect for Paul!! God used that part of the bible to show me the change He can make in people if they make Jesus Lord of their lives. That is what Paul did!! That is also what I did!

Anyway, all through out, I would go to God daily and ask Him to help me be who He wanted me to be. God over the years has shown me what heart changes He alone can make. Many things have happened over the years and in every situation, God has shown Himself faithful and worthy!! He has been changing Dale and I for the past 10 years. In 2001 I went to a seminar, God showed me some things that I was not doing and I was heart sick. I was not under God's design of authority, Dale. I was not being submissive to him. (if anyone before 1998 had EVER TOLD ME I NEEDED TO BE SUBMISSIVE TO DALE, I WOULD HAVE PROBABLY LAUGHED IN THEIR FACE!! I WAS NEVER EVER TAUGHT THAT YOU HAD TO LOVE AND OBEY YOUR HUSBAND, NEVER!!! Plus I did not want to obey anyone because it was extremely scary to me!! (Control over me was not my idea of living) I told God I wanted so much to be submissive and under Dale's authority but I did not know how. I asked God to please show me how!! He did, it was so wonderful!! God used my Pastor to help me start to understand what that looked like. I asked my Pastor about something and he asked me if I asked Dale? I outwardly scoffed!! No, I said, I have not, he is not interested. My pastor said, God wants us guys to be accountable. If you just do it yourself, (because you were tired of waiting for your husband) your husband will let you do it. That was it, I needed to ask Dale, and wait for him to say yes, or no, or what ever it may be, but I needed to start there. The waiting is the hardest part sometimes, I want so much to nag and go on and on. But when I do, Dales attitude and the situation goes backwards!! It does no good!! In those cases, I asked God to help me trust Him (God) then I ask Him to show Dale what we need to do. That even in 2009 is not the easiest thing to do, but wow, it has gotten much easier!!!!!!!!!! (It really does depend on my mood and how much I want to listen to God. If I don't listen to God, my heart has such bitterness, anger and torment!! That is why, over the years, I have learned to give it to God much sooner than later in each situation!!)

We renewed our vows in 2002 after 15 years of marriage. I wanted to make sure I put in our vows to "obey". That was very important to me because the first vows I took to Dale, did not have the same depth as I felt in 2002 or after!! It was kind of like a renewal to me, like a second chance or a start over! Unfortunatly it was very close to the time Dale's dad was very ill and then he died a few weeks later. That part was very sad and hard!! The renewal was symbolic for me because of my new outlook on marriage.

In 2003-2004 I had a friend who told me how much her husband loved her and that, and he felt responsible for her. He knew she was the one for him!! But they missed out on so much because he did not wait for her. I respected him so much for that!! I don't know why, but I did!! I thought, I would love to feel that way!! To feel like I missed out by not waiting for Dale, but I did not. I loved Dale but I did not know what that looked like, at all!! I loved that my friends husband looked at it that way (of course, she knew she missed out as well) There was something so deep and loving in the way they looked at it! Like I said, I just was not there!! Then months later I went a seminar. (when I go to seminars, I go there to listen to what God has for me to learn, I don't go there to listen to person word for word, I am listening in my spirit for God) God showed me that the unity between a man and woman was supposed to be treasured. Not flipant. He meant for a man and a woman to come together in unity, a special unity. One man for one woman. I agonized so much over what I missed because, I loved Dale even more then! I realized our union could have been so much more if I would have waited!! I did not even know people really did that. I heard rumors, I guess. I went to Dale and asked him to forgive me, I know I did not know back then, but I knew what it meant when God showed me during that seminar. My heart was so sick. I loved and appreciated Dale even more at that point. I felt it, I missed out, I really did!! What Dale and I have is beautiful!! What was so wonderful was that the next day after I asked Dale to forgive me, he asked me to forgive him, he realized it as well. My love over the years has grown so much!!


Over these 10 years I have seen Dale change so much as well!! I saw more happen when I turned the other cheek (was loving and respectful toward Dale), when he did not deserve it!! I would ask God to be my love for Dale when I get or got frustrated. It does not mean that I am some kind of saint!! Far from it!! Over the past 10 years I have been asking God to help me in situations to be kind, loving, and respectful. When I go to God, I am more of those things. But when I do not go to God to be those things, I am not at all kind, loving or respectful. In everyday life, you go, go, go, and sometimes you just don't think. So, like I said, I am not a saint/perfect at it. I strive though to be a better wife and a better mom because I love Dale and because I love our ladies!! God has not given up on me and I am not going to give up either!!

I will continue to strive to do better and to be more kind, loving and respectful because of the love God has continued to give me for my sweet heart!! I am so honored to be Dale's wife, I really am!! He is very precious to me!! I just never knew I could love him more!! Knowing Christ first has given me a deeper capacity to love!!!!